“Memoirs of the Fallen”
Omnia quae incipiunt finem habent.
Everything that has a beginning has an end.
Chicago, Illinois. 2014
“It is weird how few words on paper can make so much difference in a person’s life. It can give you hope, bring you joy and happiness but it can also take it away. It can be the footsteps to your doom and emptiness, those tiny letters and lines that were there, the dull white paper that holds it, the envelope that hid the paper inside to hold the secret of your destiny, life and the question that you seek an answer to.
You open the envelope with shaky hands. With fear and anticipation in your eyes you follow the lines until the rug is swept away from under your feet.”
The voice of the woman swept forward from the elevator shaft, the lit hall to the apartment doorway. It peeked through the key hole and moved forward to the dark apartment. Only light that came in it shined from the outside and from the first corridor table lamp. There were keys on the table and shoes kicked chaotically to the side as the wearer picked up something more important from the table.
On the floor also laid a lonely brown back bag and a ripped envelope beside it. On the sofa laid some work clothes and further, by the window stood a young woman in relaxed home clothes, loose sweater, top and jogging pants. Her dim brown hair was loosely tied to a knot on the back of her head. She had patience to relax even though the letter burned in her mind the whole time while she was changing her clothes. From the outside starlight, moonlight and city lights her still figure was shadowed and lonely where she stood. She was finally reading the letter she got and then silently she crumbled it in her hand and she let it drop to the wooden floor.
She lost her balance a bit as she tried to take a step forward. She could gain back her bearings but still she felt dizzy. Images flashed in her mind about her family, friends, her work and her life in general. Her emotions rushed through her and even her dog sensed it. It was staying close by and her name was Foxy Lady, Lady in short. She came to check on her concerned and whimpering and she nudged to her knee a bit with her maw.
Few hours passed by and the woman was still sitting in the darkness on the window sill of her flat. She was staring outside and her hand was touching the cold surface of the glass. Her eyes followed the flowing rain drops that were like tears on the window. Her diary lay on her lap and she tapped it with the pen she held. Her face was emotionless or shocked or maybe something in between those emotions. Whichever way you preferred it. She didn’t cry but she did listen to classical music that usually made her feel better. This time it didn’t nor did the hot chocolate she had in a cup nearby. Her right hand moved to hang on her side and her fingers scratched the ever benevolent Lady that was staying quietly by her side.
She did write something to the diary even if she had hard time to make sense what she was feeling or thinking at that moment. The writing was shaky. Almost hard to read but maybe she wanted it that way. Maybe she wanted no one to know. Not even her diary.
13th of June, day before my birthday… The day before that is supposed to be the happiest day in my life? I was going to write how my day went. How the boys teased me at work again… How I after many years heard about Canan and it was like the old times. I thought everything was well.
God, it is like my mind went total blank. I had so much to write and now… I just can’t… I forgot everything.
The woman wrote after that only one thing to the creamy colored page of her diary before she closed her eyes for a moment to think but only then she felt something. She could hear her clock ticking or was she imagining the sound? Anyway the day changed to a new one as the clock stroke twelve. Her eyes opened slowly while she looked outside. Her face was suddenly lit more brightly and she slammed her hand palms on the window and her eyes grew wider from what she saw. Lady howled and ran to the bathroom as the room and glass started to shake.
The woman covered her ears when a loud shriek filled her head. The hands helped nothing and she screamed out from the pain as her eardrums and her head felt like it was exploding. It only took a moment until she passed out and fell down from the large window sill on the floor. Her ears were bleeding and also her nose like the pressure was too great for them. Her diary dropped also and it lay down beside her. Finally the last words were shown that the earthquake hid and they are welcomed by two drops of blood.
I am ill…
End of teaser
To be continued…